REMEMBER WHEN YOU WONDERED WHAT “IT” WOULD BE LIKE?
From the first pages in Love Without Fear
where it said if you let a man put his tongue
in your mouth you’ll let him do anything?
Remember when you thought you could
get pregnant dancing too close? How
fingers on the outside of a sheer white
blouse was one thing but moving in past
the bra strap felt like a bug invading. We
were shocked to hear Jessica’s mother and
father took a bath together, naked. Somewhere
else, Heathcliff adored without touching.
Remember when some mothers forbid Snows
of Kilamanjaro? Clitoris, a word I didn’t
know but when I felt mine it seemed broken,
peculiar. And did you look forward to
blood in your crotch? Remember getting
the first tampax in right, first diaphragm?
I was sure everyone could tell by the way I
was walking. And dear room mate, if
you are out there reading poetry which I
don’t suppose you do, remember how we
lay in the dark in the pea green room,
wondered what it would be like to have Dr.
Fox with his red beard go down on us.
Was it this, was it love that would rescue
us and keep us safe from getting into
trouble, which of course it didn’t. Still,
somehow, older than parents with their
litany of “never let a boy,” rarely, but once
on a velvet brown couch in the west with
the heat from his thigh a forest fire,
all I could imagine, all I wanted was to
know what he would be like