Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Jack The Ripper: Professor of Biology And Morality

I couldn’t be any more nervous about dissecting a frog. I’m what you call sensitive and caring. Now, shut the hell up while I sneak into my neighbor’s barn and practice on his horse.
Inside the horse’s stomach I find a hand and a very rude hand at that. Its middle finger tells me to lose my virginity to myself. For starters, I’m saving myself for marriage, and I’m not taking dating advice from this rude hand, even if it did propose a romantic scenario. Plus, I don’t want all of you perverted readers to watch.  
Jack the Ripper, who I understand was hung like a pony, knew how to use a scalpel. This guy, my role-model, took the study of life and death seriously. Dear Reader, I ask that you open your morals to surgical repair. You must stop being so promiscuous and become a born-again virgin. When you make the necessary absolution, raise your hand and maybe someone like me or Jack will allow you into our bed.
--Matt Ryan is the author of Read This Or You’re Dead To Me (forthcoming from Hopewell Publications). He is the publisher and editor of the poetry press, Lowbrow Press, the fiction editor of Best New Writing and teaches creative and academic writing at Concordia St. Paul University.

1 comment:

Poetic_line said...

Pretty funny stuff. I like it a lot.